Can't remember who said it, but it must have been a training captain: "I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?"
Come on Nick, what Dick actually said was,"No,I found one and am looking for the other!" Beach was at Banjul Yumdum.
I think one of the best was during the gulf war, 1st edition. I was flying with a scottish co-pilot just over Rhyad, bucking a 100kt head wind. ATC came up and Said "Air raid warning red, Scud attack inbound". Loadie said "now what do we do?" Copilot, quick as a flash," I'd better have my meal now before it goes to waste!"