Just a Question for the MEN/BOYS... Why do a lot of MEN just live with their babies momma's for financial reasons..... Example: He drives her car, pay a little on the bills that's in her name. Eat off the foodstamp card. But he cheats and goes when ever he wants to go and he really does not want to be there, but it fits his financial situation at the time and HE doesn't want to PAY CHILD SUPPORT. [money]. Live with her, cheat on her, use her stuff, ALL NOT TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT! Tell me if that not selfish or what.. Be a MAN and get more for yourself.. This came to mind because I have a family member who does this and some guy friends that does this and I just don't understand it... Can some of the board members help me with understanding this PHILOSOPHY........................................

alright Ms. Nashville, since they want to get at us, way to get at them this morning!

Hey Ms. Dat. Girl I just had this on my mind..

IT'S NOT WHY HE DOES IT. IT IS BECAUSE THAT WHAT SHE ALLOWS HIM TO DO AND HE'S TAKING OF ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION. SHE NEEED TO GET HER PRIORITIES IN ORDER AND STOP LETTING HIM BE A LEECH. SHE HAS A CHOICE TO CONTINUING BEING A DOOR MAT OR A REAL WOMAN. JUST KEEPING IT REAL.

Man, those are some nice benefits! If someone is allowing someone to treat them like that, who wouldn't take advantage of the situation. Most of the time, people only do the things they know they will have a good chance at getting away with it. If the expectations are set from the jump, he wouldn't have it in his mind to even try half of that crap.

Speak It!!!! And then they get on the BASA board and ask "Why women wait on men to buy them drinks in a bar?"

that's true chochild. we as women have to get ur own finances in order and decide that the little pieece of money we think we are saving by him living there really is not significant. You can do bad all by yourself.

one thing you did not mention is he might be taking great care of his child.....sometimes women make more money then men.....theres nothing wrong with that and if he's cheating then she might not know about...the reason you know is because hes your cousin......If shes happy with what she has....why can you complain.....thats not your relationship.....and thats what is wrong with Black America now.....we will not support each other but we will disrupt a relationship!!!!!!1

Dang Canty slow your roll pimpin, get off #1. I feel you, but on the other hand, her cousin is probably in her ear complaining about the situation to her. But to be honest, men only do what we as women allow them to do. Please believe when she gets fed up, she will make some changes, and for the better, but until then there is really nothing no one can do until she decides enough is enough.

Just Us#

#15 in her post she stated that he's not paying child support that's not taking great care of the child. LEAVING ON THIS NOTE AGAIN SHE HAS A CHOICE AND IF SHE'S HAPPY WITH THAT, THEN SHE CONTINUE TO BE HIS DOOR MAT. EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION.

I understand what you guys are saying, if they let you do it then do it... That ain't right, Why can't a Man know that it's wrong and just take care of themselves... One of my guy friends even said to me that my life is GREAT RIGHT NOW! Yeah because you having your cake and eating it too, It want last long.
My family member knows its wrong, but said it's just convienent.

#15 .. Slow down Baby, this is just a topic, I'm just asking why.. Not in anyones business, like Hot #11 said my family member brings it to me so I'm just trying to get a understanding of why... #15 Pookie.

1st off I'm not one of those guys,never have been,but have been around those type..have a brother like that..Most times these type of boys are lazy,don't want to work,have no skillz or blaming "the white man" for their own misfortunes..You also have to look at the women for allowing these boys to remain in her life,knowing he doesn't mean her or her kids any good,it has to be more to a relationship than sex..just my 2 cents

Amen, D12... Just trying to give these men other ideas on how to handle this issue, instead of being the lazy man.. #15 you owe me a or something, getting all mad at me and stuff because I want a understanding about this issue.

I understand what you are saying Ms. Nashville, but you can't assume that everyone has values. Remember that their are some parents out there that teach their kids according to their beliefs, which may not be what most consider to be "the right way". There are even some people that are taught "the right way" but sometimes choose to take a different path. So, that's when you have to look out for self, and not depend on others to do the right thing. If doing the right thing was the answer, boy will this world be different.

Good morning all.. I think that there are some women out there that are willing to settle for whatever a man puts down because they feel like a piece of man is better than no man at all. WHY??? I will never understand, but until you have walked in someone shoes you can never understand their reasoning or logic on things. All people (men and women) will do what you allow them to and until she gets to the point of realizing that she can make it without having to settle for what she is given her situation will not change.

Men are men and Women are women,its just like when a women gets a man and he takes care of her, does for her and her children, and she doesn't work but he's out hustling and doing whatever to keep her with him, but she's still out pimping Tom, Sam, and John on the side and her in house man's homies are telling him how his girl is out talking to one of their boys on the side but he's so caught up and out and saying, "man I don't believe that because she had lil sheraylazia at home and didn't have no one to keep her".. DUH DUH DUH DUH!!!
But Ms. Nashville, just keep being you, and don't put yourself in that situation, because just as soon as you start downing her and her man, they will find a way to turn it on you and make you the bad person,or start saying "Misery loves company" and thats why she's hating!

Just Us #11 great point, Never will I down my family member, just trying to get other peoples point of view about the issue, good looking out though.

Ms. Nasville we got one trying to out do you by posting another so called question! We've already told him the women make this world go round.
Now here Church hit my stuff and I bet you'll be on by 10:08

My bad, Ms.Nashville (Spell Check)

Just a point, not judging or nothing.. But what about this, some of these guys use their baby momma's car to go see the girl they really want to be with, but she's not having it...

Ms. Nashville and Just Us(hot girl #11) Women are in total control of the situation, you best believe she knows exactly what's going on and will one day get fed up and kick his azz out to the moon. He'll probably have another baby mother by then. However, those women make it hard for the real women that want to be treated like a real woman!!

Dang MAMA you just came out of nowhere. Look I need for you to be ready this weekend, cause its going down. I will call you later

i see you ladies are warming those vocal chords up already. good i am looking forward to some laughs this weekend.

be back in a min

great topic Ms Nashville....i agree men if allowed will keep their cake and eat it too....as far as the cheating....but as far as sitting at home and not doing nothing can be from what they grew up seeing....a lot of males grew up with out fathers and were use to justin around while mom or sisters did errythang....this generational trend amongst our race is a big cause of some of our problems....also the fact that the women keep allowing themselves to be used keeps it on going...why wait til enough is enough....if you see it as a problem then nip it in the bud then....instead of waiting til errybody is upset then the kids have no daddy....you can help your family member out...tell him that aint cute sitting there at home and your kids looking at him being irresponsible....we all have flaws but family can make a difference if we try....yD#2

The question should be, why does this woman allow him to do it to her? Whats wrong with her self esteem? Most people with take advantage of a situation when allowed and will do so until the habit is disrupted. Also, the man could be fearing that if he leaves she will get him for child support. There are a combination of reasoning for the behavior but its a joint effort. If she allows him to treat her that way then it will be harder for the behavior to stop. How many people have you every known who were doing someone wrong and for no reason woke up the next day and said, "I'm not going to treat so and so wrong anymore?"

Good Morning Board! Ms. Nashville, Shneka and MAMA, you all make good and valid points as does #15 and others....as I think it was mentioned... We control what we allow to happen to us and until we think we are worthy and deserve better..... he can do whatever he wants, take our car to go see her, spend our money on her, have her in our house and maybe even in our bed. We as women have to love ourselves before we can be strong enough to stand up to the men and say "Enough". We can do bad by ourselves... we don't need them to make it any worse... Jus' my 2 cents...

1st timer#34 somebody better tell Primetime that was only the beginning. Aiken is going to be off the chain. Neka you know I'm down with you whatever it is. I got your back always and forever.LOL

Hey MAMA I'm even bringing the suit shirt Primetime gave me. I guess we'll be making some more fellas mad this weekend! LOL!! And 1st Timer, you know we got your back. You just better play good!

There could be a thousand reasons why this happens in this time, and everything that has been said is true. We forget about the economy today. Yes she is working and bringing home a check, but that might not be enough to pay for day care and other expenses that goes along with being a single mom. She already know that the man that she is with is not going to do nothing, so let him babysit and I don't have to worry about paying anyone. She is getting something out of the deal also.

No Slack

i should be okay if i can stay awake.

Morning Ms. Nashville
There are a lot of good points! Maybe the woman is happy with her piece of man because that’s all she’s ever had and it’s how she thinks a relationship should be.
As frustrating as it maybe we can’t always tell our girl friends and family what’s really going on because it will put strain on your relationship.

Hey Southern Girl! I can understand that a little bit.. This for the board, I don't want to be involved with the situation, but I'm forced in the situation because when she feels like putting him out for a weekend, he's over my house, not that I'm mad because he's there, I just want to understand why continue with it..

Hey Everyone
Ms. Nashville, this is a good topic.
There are a lot of factors as to why these kind of relationships happen. Ultimately, I think it is in the hand of the woman.
-women with low self esteem
-concept of "love" and "family"
-financial situation
-chidren are involved
And, yes, men are wrong for taking advantage of the situation. Men who do these things, in my opinion, are NOT MEN!!!

I don't see how a grown man can say "I AM HAVING A GREAT TIME" when they are mooching off a woman and her children. I would have a better opinion of a man if he lived with his mother.

....hmmmmmmm...You all have good points and Ms.Nashville nice topic....now...I know people like that...but it seems to be going they're way,reason being....it some WOMEN out there...not all....are HAPPY about there situation.....with just having a MAN....so they put up with the nonsense.....and the men that does do this...are pretty much comfortable....meaning DRESS down to the feet...no job or hustle....but....one thing they never notice...the ones that do it(men)....have no trust in her ,but will question and call HER at work all day from the house phone....... ....I see this and be like ......Dang....but...you know to each hisher own.......maybe that is the HUSTLE!?....I can't say to much on this because...it's not me......now, when she puts him out....what's in HER closet..... ...."CHURCH"

Good point, Churchie Wurchie.. I know this is not you, you wouldn't live with your baby momma just for financial stability, use her car, etc. And cheat when ever you feel like it, that's not you.. Hey see you in Aiken..............................

It's not 100% on him. We as human beings tend to enable this type of behavior from our mates. No one can do wrong by you unless you allow them to. I am from the school of thought that if I am not happy with a situation it will definately not get better over time, but escalate to more problems. My advice would be, talk to the individual having problems and let them know that this behavior is unacceptable, leave this brother and or sister, and to chalk it up as a lesson learned.

...I was just adding in my opinion.....see you in Aiken..... ...

Killed the CHURCHY WURCHY..... ......you play too much..... ...call me that other name "CHURCH"

What other name? Church #2/Tito.... DADDY!

...that's cool...but that other one you WHISPER..... .......... see ya later

Boy stop playing.... Call Me. Let's not go back and forth on this post, LIKE YOU SAID, keep it on the topic...

Church and Ms. Nashville...
Sittin' in a tree...
K I S S I N G...

I had to instigate you two

I'm not gettin mad Ms Nashville and I'm sorry but there are different types of men out there who stay at home without a job.......Correct me if I'm wrong.....Majority of this board are college grads or have attended college.....so therefore they can't speak for the man who just got out of Federal prison because of drugs and can't find a job but his woman love him away......Secondly jobs are hard to come by....if a person lose a job today it will take on average 1-2 months to find another.....
Chochild this man should not have to pay child support when he's living with his kids mother....thirdly, there are so many programs out there for her to be able to get out of this situation.....She loves the fact that she has a man in the house....because you don't have a job don't make you less then a man...i apologize for my demeanor ladies

Ms. Miller you need to stop instigating, I'm going to get you.. and #15... .....
Oh yeah Ms. Miller, why Cariona is going to start Ballet classes tomorrow, Can't you just picture her in the ballet suit... I'll e-mail you..

#15 there are some educated womenin this very situation, love got the best of them, educated and all. Book smart but not street smart, and some both, but still get trapped

Ms. Nashville
You know i had to throw that in there.

Cariona better do the dang thing!!!! She'll have fun.

Ms Dat, is the individual really trapped or do they choose to be in an unhealthy relationship? Remember that song If It Don't Fit(Dont Force It)those are words to live by. I have never understood how someone could enable an abuser. If you ask someone for advice about a situation like this then you already know the answers to your question. 9 times out of 10 when we ask a question we already know what the answer will be. Most are hoping someone will tell them exact opposite of what they already know to be true. My psychy is far more important to me than worrying about what my mate is doing and who she is doing it with!!!

Hey Ms. Miller and Ms Nashiville? Ms. Nashville, I understand that you want to help your cousin, but why is he staying at your house when they are having problems, if you don't agree with the way he is treating.

D3 I did not say I agreed or disagreed I'm just getting other peoples perception, Thanks though.. See you soon.

Ms. Nashville, I did not say you were agreeing or not agreeing. I was asking why he is at your house. Are you just using that as an example I will see you soon also, and be safe during your trip ti Aiken.

Example, thanks, see you soon. peace..

There are men, with the income of course, that will tell their woman they don't need to work, keep money in her pocket and pay all bills encountered. So I ask you is the man the only one that’s supposed to do this. Men will do all this for a woman but women have been programmed that it’s not acceptable for a woman to do the same. Why is it a double standard? This is when problem arise in relationships. A majority of the women have this mentality that its okay for a man to do these things but they are not supposed to do the same. The only exception to the rule is if the man is controlling.

All men are not like that miss lady. A man can only do what a women let's him do. Some men are use to doing that, if the women is going to let him get away with this, then he is going to do all he can do(eat, cheat, drive the car, pay no bills and hang out all night)If you let him. But remember this, not all men are like that, just some.

Oh yea, they didn't get like that over night!