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oral reports and moral bankruptcy

It's odd how the world terrifies you, at least at some time and place; or you just don't get enough out of life to make it worthwhile rocking the boat. Why add to the burden when life is hard enough as it is? And then you wake up one day or discover what life is really about and you leave all the shame or shyness behind you. You KNOW what needs to be said and you arn't afraid to say it. But it took you so long to realize .......




I was suposed to give an oral report on anything I wanted to say in my Social Studies class but I coped out. Too embarrressing and anyways all the kids hated me and I hated high school and I just wanted to get it over with as painlessly as possible and leave so they couldnt laugh at me anymore. Too late to make it right. I just squeaked by and did the minimum and left as soon as I could. At times I did feel like I was letting everyone down. The consumate under acheiver. Summer School wouldnt help me now because that was almost FORTY YEARS ago!




Yeah close to FOUR DECADES and now I still can't hardly believe the changes, the treachery, lies and broken promises; a world in denial that verily crumbled in places......and I live in one of the best parts of the world! To many of the others survival was so elusive they arn't even alive here to read this! More changes then even during the Renaisance. It seemed the only thing you can depend on now is the fact that you can't depend on anybody or anything but yourself. And what I would give to go back in time, to 1966, in Mr. Lausons Social Studies Class: to stand up there and just spout all the things then that I know now. Imagine the stares, the gaping faces, the shock and disbelief: "what is this kid talking about ?!" and then walking back to my seat and being a nobody and seeing it all come to pass decade by decade just as I would have predicted. But I didn't because I didn't know but I always suspected something was amiss and we were in for some BIG changes. I should have listened to myself I guess but who could have ever dreamed it would turn out like this?




Which brings me to the point of this post: nobody advised me life would be so difficult. It didn't seem failure was hardly possible back then unless you dropped out of high school or blew you mind on LSD or got caught up in the radial-hippie-cult syndrom (what ever that is). Now I feel like the generation nobody wants and how can you feel respect for a world that pulled the rug out from under you? To say the least I would have done things a lot differently knowing what I know now but it is too late to start over. Except for one thing. When everything is done and said I still have myself and what morals and life philosophy I think are approbo. Unfortunatly that is EXACTLY what I most neglected growing up. I may regret going to college, working loyally the 10 hour days but I am not ashamed to admit doing this either. But some of the other stuff - things I don't even want to think about much less confess to doing - there was no excuse for this. It was just that it is hard to care when no one cares about you. But it seems in the end all you have is your self respect.




If there is any advice I would give to kids and adults and seniors it is this: going to school may be nice. Building up a bank account may be nice. A good steady job and stable marriage may be nice. Volunteering to make the world better may be nice. But it often doesn't last and it never did last forever and now it doesnt last long enough to see you through an average life time. We live longer and our projects and investments need to last close to a century to be there for us and we see things pack it up in a generation or far less ! What we thought was good no longer works. The only thing that lasts is YOU and it is never too early or too late to start developing YOU.

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Serafine Anthony Lemos - Hayward, CA, USA